The new baby is imminent.
Last time, Lisa wasn’t nearly as mobile or active. Last time, Lisa eased into the ninth month as expected. This time, she’s just on cruise control. The only time it’s crystal clear that she’s pregnant (outside the obvious visible signs) is when she uses her belly as a battering ram and I get tossed aside (oops, didn’t see you there!). She’s on bed rest, and that has slowed her down if only because laying on her side for four hours makes her hips hurt. But not by much.
So, the first huge change that set the nesting feeling in motion was putting the second car seat in my car. I did that mostly for Nora’s benefit, but I think it’s affected me more than her. My car is small. Losing the backseat means it loses practically all of its utility – huge grocery trips – out. Buying furniture – out. I can’t just fold down the seat or move car seats around anymore. It’s jarring. I used my vehicle to do patient visits. I can’t do that anymore.
But most importantly, its a daily reminder that I’m going to the father of two. I’m basically down the same road as my own parents. Some days I feel too young, too insignificant to take on such a monumental task.
I didn’t have this feeling when Nora was born. I was nervous, sure. But not like this. And I’m nervous for Nora. Nora is now what I once was – the older sibling, but still very young. I’m commiserating with her very strongly on a level that didn’t exist a few months ago. My heart breaks for her – her world will be different once the second one comes. Her change will be much more drastic than mine.
I’m excited for her, too, obviously, because my sister made my life significantly better. Now, it so happened that I liked my sister, and that might not be the case for Nora and the second, but I sure hope she’s as lucky.
Right now, there’s a motivation to do as much as humanly possible and not rest which wasn’t as strong as it was before. There’s a nervous energy that I didn’t have before. And now I’m having trouble sleeping. I keep telling myself that it won’t be that much different than when Nora was born. But a part of doesn’t know, or can’t believe that…
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