With my last vestiges of ‘waketitude’ I’m updating my weblog, since I haven’t done that in a very long time, as you can tell. I’m sorry that’s the case, however, I just haven’t been up to it, I suppose. I’ll recount why shortly.
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I’m not one to reveal my weight, but I’ve been gaining weight, rather than losing it in the last few weeks. Granted, I don’t look as heavy as I used to, in the past, because it is in part muscle, unlike when I weighed this much 5 years ago, however, I’m highly uncomfortable with my weight.
Granted, with the goings on of recent weeks, and moving (tantamount to having fast food in the meantime, since it’s difficult to eat ‘healthy’ while moving), and my job where I sit all day, and finally, being sick nearly constantly have left me berefit of time to exercise.
I need to lose weight.
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Part of the loss of exercise is the fact that my bike tire blew up. I may have mentioned it before – don’t think so. But, my one means of exercise is lost. The other, the weider – well, it’s at home, where I am currently getting sick from/because/of. Allergies have KO’ed me – it feels like my brain itches sometimes, it gets so bad. I can’t move, because the itching causes blindness. It paralyzes me until I sneeze. And when I sneeze! Lord. Let me spare you, and simply say, one sneezing episode will soak a paper towel. Not Kleenex. A paper towel.
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We were robbed.
I had an entry that I typed into the zaurus last week, a heart wrenching detail of the ordeal. In the weeks that follow I will most likely post it, since, at the very least, it took a better part of a day (to & from Conshohocken – 3+ hours) on a tiny pickboard. It’s not meant for long drawn out typing, that’s why keyboards were made for it. Be that as it may…
We lost a lot. A whole lot. And now I feel chained to the car, because I’m afraid of someone stealing the car. Or the factory radio (piece of junk). Or the pen and piece of paper that was in it.
It was done by a pro. Took my radio, my subwoofer, cut the wires to just about everything rendering them unusable, and all our cds. Our CDs. Close to 80 CDs… Most of them Lisa’s from the night previous, having driven from D.C. It’s a boring trip without tunes. And now we don’t even have tunes.
The sense of violation permeates the car. It smells funny now. The tinting is ruined. And blood was spilled in the car.
I’m filled with a daily vengeance. I dream and day dream of maiming this person. Destroying their car. Their sense of well being.
Pottstown. An hour away from Delaware. That’s where the found my car manual, in a parking lot of a mall. I’m going to find that person, I swear it.
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Lisa’s weblog is an entry to her heart and soul. She has a soul and heart of platinum of the purest kind.
She doesn’t deserve the unhappiness that has plagued her since we got engaged. She’s kept a brave face. But my parents have made it so difficult for that sweet wonderful person.
I’ve lost my faith in my family. My religion. My city (my city? I don’t want it these days, you can have it). So badly I want to move. So badly I want to find some respite in some higher being.
She doesn’t deserve this pain. She’s tried, so so hard. But my parents, rather than show any happiness for us, are determined to end this wedding somehow. I’ve decided to not deal with them anymore. I gave Lisa free reign. She deserves it. She tried. Civility got us nowhere.
What they hold over my head? Raising me. Raising me. That’s what they were supposed to do! It’s a job they chose to undertake!
And besides. What did I do that’s so wrong? Drugs? No. Early/teen pregnancy? Am I a father? No. Steal, lie, cheat? Drop out of school?
I found a successful, amazing, incredibly smart and sweet woman whose future is nothing but bright (she did get that job offer, so she will be, ahem, making a good pocketfull of change next summer. And deservedly so). She’s brilliant! And beautiful!
And they do nothing but denigrate her. Show her their ugliness.
I may be jaundiced in my views of them. BUT. They pledged support, and they rescinded it. They insulted her parents, who in their infinite patience, did not insult back. They were wonderful to me when I was thoroughly ashamed, upset and embarrassed.
The 360 was long in coming. But, it took too long. I let Lisa get hurt too long with hopes of making it all better.
But its been determined that our children will have only one set of grandparents. How can I let the ugliness that has basically ruined my engagement and wedding, our engagement and wedding, and Lisa’s engagement and wedding creep into the rest of our lives? I can’t. As I swear that I will hunt this criminal down, I will not let Lisa be hurt by them. I swear. I won’t let them turn back. I won’t let them in when they don’t deserve it. They don’t deserve it, because the got a free ride to this point. They used up their credits. They cannot buy a pass.
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We spent $190 today, for a car alarm. How painful is this, that we spent so much? To ensure violation won’t happen ever again.
In a year or so, the car will be so protected, you can have a conversation with it. That’s my intention anyway. So far, it has a proximity radar, pager, and a whole slew of internal scanning equipment. GPS, talking, scanning LEDs are on the horizon. To get back some vestige of solace, protection, and well being. Some vestige.
But in the meantime, there’s nothing in the car. A pad, and a pen. that’s it. The amp and the cd changer, or what’s left of it, is still there. But a criminal would have to work several hours to remove that, in the darkness – I don’t think it’s worth it, to be honest. And soon, the car will be a fortress. And if it’s attacked, by virtue of the paging car alarm, we will know about it. Mark my words.
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I can’t wait to be not sick. I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t sick. I want to feel normal again. I remember days where I would reflect on how I felt normal. Not sick. Those were few and far between.
The cats give us so much joy though. But, I’m always, so so sick. It hurts now. The post nasal drip has introduced something else, other than the brain itch, the sneezing, the coughing, the blindness, the itching on my forehead, neck, ears, hair, head, eyes, nose, lips – a sore throat.
My misery knows no bounds. but I will continue to reach for them, because they deserve love. They are both so sweet, so very sweet, and so loving. I immediately lost any annoyance I had with them in relation to being sick, when, on the day we were robbed, they both kissed Lisa and I, and slept by our sides to comfort us. They did. They sensed our pain, frustration and sadness. They empathized. You could see it in their eyes. In their mannerisms, which was completely different from the ‘I want to be pet’ fare. Lisa has pictures. I awoke from a tortured nap (sickness, being robbed, everything) to find Denby on my chest, giving me a kiss. Then he laid by my side.
So now I distinguish them from the dander. From the sickness. I’m quick to blame other things, like the central air, or something. Because I love them too much. They’re perfect. I’ve said it before. They’re not mean, or rude, or stupid, or annoying. They’re sweet. Innocent. And so willing and quick to love and forgive. Always.
Amazing pets. I’m still a bird person in general, but I wouldn’t give these precious angels up for anything. Especially after they made that terrible day, last wednesday, September 1st, a bit more bearable.
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Safelite Auto Glass does excellent work. State Farm Insurance has caused me to find a part of me that swears alot. A LOT. Until now, I never used vulgarities. I hate them. I hate feeling like I’m being robbed again. Hate It.
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We may not be going to Paris for our honeymoon now, because of them. BUT, my sweetest angel is making the best of the situation. She’s found a remarkably different, and dare I say it, better situation for less money. Now, I say better, because after a year plus of planning the wedding and the stress that leads up to it, I don’t know if I want to be a tourist shortly thereafter. Being a tourist a vacation does not make. But relaxing by the ocean, well, that’s much needed.
I enjoy laziness and a good book. Next to my fiancee. I love reading next to her. Because we’re nerds like that. Synonym: soul – mates.
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I’ve been asked about my job quite a bit. Let me fill you in.
I work for two companies, which occupy the same building, and are run somewhat by the same people. The extent I will not get into, for fear of this coming back to me. I am the accountant/general office manager. One might say ‘secretary’, yet to date, I haven’t done any secretarily duty, I don’t think. Any secretarial duty that might have been has been drawing up a lease, and all its related documents, so that accounts could be changed and put in order.
So I don’t know. I have answered the phone maybe four times since I started working there.
I sit in front of the computer all day. I’m rebuilding their Quicken database. Granted, it’s a pain in the ass. However, it, by all accounts, needs/needed to be done. And I’m proficient. Actually, I’m pretty damned good. So I’m perfect for them reaching their ends.
But I don’t think I’ll be there for more than a year, honestly. There’s other things going on there, i.e., not just the tedium but some sort of illegality that makes me a bit nervous.
But it’s casual. They give me free reign, and have given me a lot of responsibility. Which is nice, honestly. Because I have an air of responsibility about me, I think. It’s been like that everywhere I’ve gone… Office Depot – well, carrying around the managers keys for weeks, because the manager handed them over to me; tech support at widener – well, I don’t know how much more faith and trust you can put in a person other than giving me the dean of admission’s username and password to her personal computer, and let in to her office while she isn’t there, to service and use her computer unsupervised… and here, not being there three weeks now, and being told that no one can take any hardware or software without my (my? huh?) permission (no, seriously) – and letting me stay at the office while no one is there, to do work as long as I wanted… I could leave whenever, but they trust I’ll be there the hours I said I was there, and I’m paid in full – oh, and free reign in my boss’ office while she isn’t there…
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There’s a reason why Mare and Michael are very close to us. And hopefully they feel the same way about us as we feel about them. We’re tight. Couples only thing? I don’t think it is. We all get along, which is rare. Remember that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry and George double date? It’s not like that at all. It’s round robin banter, I swear.
They’re understanding. Accessible. And Lisa is super close with Mare. That’s good! I’m glad. I’m glad Lisa has such a wonderful friend. I’m glad we got to see their house first. I’m glad they’ve stayed with us everywhere (every state/city) we lived, overnight. On separate occassions! And I’m glad they let me go back to that fellow at the Empire State Building, so we could take that unforgettable limo ride. The silliness of that night will live in my heart to my grave, honestly.
It’s fitting they met our kitties (our children 
) first. And they (Peja and Denby) climbed into their (Mare and Michael’s) laps.
It’s normal, even, to call Mare and Michael in the dead of night to meet us at the diner. (THE diner). It’s even more normal that they didn’t even ask why, and said ok, we’ll see you in ____ minutes.
I shrug. I guess others don’t see it. At least we know it. It’s a special bond.
That’s why they have special roles in our wedding.
And that’s why we’ll probably end up living next door to each other.
Weird, huh?
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On September first, it was our four year, five month anniversary. On september 1st, we got the keys to our house. On september first, the website, this website, was officially one year old.
Supposed to be a happy day. It could’ve been worse? It did show us that we have wonderful friends who have come to our aid.
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The sweet surrender of allergy medication grips my soul, so forgive me for this very abstract and absurd post. I’m sure there’s plenty of grammatical and typographical errors. Please forgive me (Leesie). At least I updated my weblog. At first, I intended to play a video game. Now, feel loved.
Good night.
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